


Eyes of ice and melted stones.. or how to find tenderness in ruthlessness

by foxglovesserai



Category: Rogue One - Fandom, Star Wars
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2017-01-09
Packaged: 2018-09-09 21:47:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8914087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxglovesserai/pseuds/foxglovesserai
Summary: Chirrut is becoming an apprentice in the Temple of the Kyber, but he doesn't expect that he will find much more than he was searching for. 
Chirrut and Baze's young years and the beginnings of their adventures together.





	1. In the beginning...

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happend while I was sick and lying in bed, just after seeing Rogue One. This is a work in progress, and it could change as it goes. No spoilers for the film.
> 
> Sorry for the grammatical mistakes, please correct me if you wish, I would like to learn.

_**Chirrut** _

Chirrut was standing in front of the large stone gateway, holding his hand on his mother's shoulder. Although he had been running through Jedha’s streets for almost 20 years and known every stone and turn by heart, he’d let his mother lead him the way to the temple. It was the least he could offer her, that connection through touch, like a parting gift. After all, if all goes well, he wouldn't be seeing her any time soon. Icy morning air was pinching his cheeks, but instead from cold, he shivered with excitement.

„Mother, I have to enter alone“, he said with determination. He was trying to keep his voice steady, but in truth, he was terrified from what was expecting him once he passed through the Kyber temple door. She pulled him to her arms, and he let her. Chirrut had to do this alone, she knew, but her heart ached that she had to let him go. She made a silent prayer for his success, and run her hand through his hair.

„May the force be with you, son“, she simply said. And although he couldn't see, Chirrut was sure there was a smile on her face.

Despite his blindness, he knew his way around the temple. He had heard the instructions many times - where to turn, when to climb, which doors to knock on. Late at nights, when he couldn’t sleep from the anticipation, he would pass through the temple hallways in his mind, imagining the cold of massive stone walls, the warmth of temple fires, smells of incense. He didn’t even need his walking stick, but it gave him courage to hold something familiar in his hands. After he passed through the gate and started to make his way across the yard, he felt a strange sensation passing through his body, a barely noticeable pull on his senses, inviting him to go further inside.

_The Force, it feels so strong in here!_ He thought, although he wasn’t sure if it was only a product of his excited mind. His heart started racing madly, so in an attempt to calm his spirit a chant his mother thought him came to his lips: „I am one with the force...“, he whispered. Instantly a hopeful smile came upon his face. He knew in his heart all would go well and he would be accepted as one of the temple guardians.

He was preparing for that moment his whole life. When he was a child, he often felt lost and alone in his disability, but he would always find hope in the Force. Other children would be playing on the streets, stealing food from the market, making a mess during pilgrimages, while he was trapped in his home, unable to do any of those things normal children did. He’d learned that the only way he would be able find happiness and conquer the invasive and destructive thoughts which were always filling his mind, was through determination and trust in the Force. „I am one with the force, the Force is with me“, his mother would say. „And you can do anything you put your mind to“.

***

_**Baze** _

Baze was sitting in a group of young apprentices. Dressed in brown uniforms, they crowded on the stone stairs in the yard. They had a day off from their lessons, since it was the day new students were taken into apprenticeship and they wanted to have a first look at all the different species and races which will turn up in the temple today. One of them noticed Chirrut, slowly making his way along the yard, tapping a long stick in front of him.

„Ha, look at that! Is he blind?“ he said scornfully, raising from his seat. „What is that blind looser thinking?“

Baze turned to look at Chirrut and just shrugged. He also thought the young man a bit too optimistic, waving his stick through the holy place. But at the same time he also felt some warmth in his heart for this enthusiastic guy. After all, it takes a lot of guts to try to become a guardian while unable to see. He hoped other men will not bother him, but he knew better.

“Let him be, Baga!” he tried, but his colleague ignored him.

„Oi you there!“ said the man, Baga „ Are you mad, where do you think you're going? There's no place for people like you here!“ He started walking towards Chirrut who stopped in his track. He stood calmly, with his head tilted to the side, listening to the approaching footsteps of the man.

„Oh, is he deaf too?“ Baga said and the crowd started laughing. Baze just kept looking in silence. He disapproved of that approach, but didn't want to interfere anymore. You had to know how to take care of yourself if you were to become a guardian.

„I am not deaf nor mad.“ Chirrut said boldly. „I came searching for the Grandmaster, to let me in his order of guardians of the temple. I have been preparing for years to come to this place and assume the position of the apprentice, so please step out of my way“, he straightened his back and tried to look in the direction the man’s voice was coming from.

Baze smiled seeing the determination of the lean blind man in front of him, but Baga furrowed his brow.

„Are you mocking us? Do you think we are order of jokers to accept disabled people among us? How can you protect the temple? Go back to the streets you came from, and beg for mercy from someone else“, he exclaimed, but Chirrut wasn't moving.

„Please, stand aside“, Chirrut simply said and stood his ground, clenching his stick a little bit tighter.

„Hey blind guy, I said, get going!“ Baga said sharply, but once he realized that Chirrut had no intention of leaving, he grabbed his shoulder and started turning him away from the temple. Then, in one swift motion, Chirrut grabbed Baga's wrist, pulled him over his shoulder and threw him on the ground. It took few seconds for Baga, lying on his back, to realize what had happened. He tried to jump back up on his feet, but as soon as he began rising, Chirrut slapped him with his stick, and he fell on the floor again. Baga was so stupefied he couldn't utter a word; he just kept sitting with his mouth half open. Now it was Baze's turn to burst out laughing.

„Well Baga, you asked for it“. He smiled and looked at Chirrut. There was something special about this guy and he hoped this won’t be the last time he sees him.


	2. (Don't) get attached

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chirrut and Baze's young years and the beginnings of their adventures together. First contacts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's quite rough and unfinished, but here you go, Chapter II.

_**Chirrut** _

Chirrut lay on his back, stretched on his bed. He didn’t mind that it was too small or that the sheets were cold and smelled old. Nothing bothered him much, not even the loud breathing of Johai - the rookie he shared the cramped room with, which rhythmically broke the silence of the night. He was beaming with happiness that the Grandmaster recognized his potential and accepted him in the apprenticeship. As it turned out, he was watching the spectacle which occurred that morning in the yard and after thorough discussions with Chirrut about his motivations and philosophies; he decided to give him a chance to prove himself. And the chance to do so was coming soon; they were already starting with their sessions the next day.

Although he most of all wanted to learn about the Jedi history and the ways of the Force, master the meditative techniques of controlling one’s body and mind, he didn’t mind the physical training either. For a strong mind, there had to be a strong body. And if some threat occurred in the temple, history lessons would not be of much help. As he was starting to drift to sleep, Chirrut's mind was filled with joy and optimism about his first day. He was ready. _Or was he?_

 

**_Baze_ **

“Pair up!” the master exclaimed.

They were in the closed inner yard behind the main complex. It was a private training space for the physical part of the education. The ground was covered in soft earth to dampen the falls, and the cold breeze was coming from the open roof, keeping students alert and on the edge.  

Baze started making his way towards Chirrut, hoping he would get a chance to get to practice with him, get to know the guy better and learn how he could fight while being unable to see. Also, he didn’t want for some insensitive big guy to beat the crap out of him. Although he had witnessed Chirrut in action, he knew that the only reason Baga had ended on the floor was the element of surprise, and surprise was gone.

But Baga was faster.

“Time for a rematch!” he exclaimed rushing to take place beside Chirrut. “I want to be your partner today.” It was plain on Chirrut’s face how uncomfortable he was with the course of events; nevertheless, he nodded his head in approval. He became very still, turning his ear towards Baga and trying to focus.

_Hm, must be that his primary sense is hearing, the way he always turns his head in concentration,_ Baze thought. _He can probably hear the breathing of the opponent, and the crumbling of the dirt under their feet so he can predict the direction in which he has to move,_ he concluded.

Baze grumbled in disappointment, but then turned looking for some other rookie he could teach a thing or two. They were mostly already paired up with more experienced students, so he ended up with Iro, an older guy, with large shoulders, strong arms and overall physicality similar to Baze. Iro was in the service for several years, and they often fought together. They were usually a really good match, but Baze wasn’t in the mood that day.

“No sparing punches” Iro warned Baze.

“I’m looking forwards to it,” Baze said a little too unconvincingly, focusing his eyes on the large guy, but he couldn’t help himself from glancing towards Chirrut and his unfortunate pairing. This concern for the blind man annoyed him. He didn’t want to worry about anyone and liked to go around with disinterested and distanced stance, but deep down he was always concerned about injustice and full of tenderness. He tried to correct that weakness - as he saw it - by putting all of himself in fighting, so he was additionally annoyed by his lack of concentration that day. Fighting was one of the few things that kept him going and although he preferred guns, he didn’t mind some pure physical action. In fight, everything was clear - you either won or you lost, no third option. If you had to do something, you did it, or you got your ass kicked. Other parts of the life – _pfft -_ it was too troublesome for Baze to even think about that. Baze loved simple things.

“Start!” said the master. “And be respectful to your partner”. He said leaving the field, and sitting himself on the edge of the yard, closing his eyes in meditation.

Baze began swinging towards Iro. His jab was his strongest; he had a mean right punch. His legs were also fast despite his size, but his kicks weren’t too trained. He kept his arms high, countering Iro’s attacks. While circling his opponent, Baze caught a glimpse of Baga making his attack. Chirrut was keeping up with him the best he could and managed to block some of his swings, but most of them hit target. Prepared and concentrated, Baga was a quick and strong guy.

“You should really focus Baze”, Iro suddenly said. “Back to Jedha, man!” he was annoyed by Baze’s lack of concentration. “It’s your own fault if you end up knocked out.”

“Yeah yeah” Baze sighed and tried another useless swing at Iro’s side. But as soon as he turend in the direction of Chirrut he couldn’t help himself but look again.

“Block this, blind guy!” Baga yelled and swinged his fist towards Chirrut’s head, which Chirrut easily evaded and placed a counterattack to Baga’s chest. It looked like Baga revealed his actions by stating when he was about to attack, because Chirrut seemed more effective while Baga was talking. But then Baga went quiet and sent a kick to Chirrut’s knee, which knocked him to the ground. Baze was startled by that move, especially since it was made with full force, which seemed cruel and unnecessary, and watched a painful expression come upon Chirrut’s face. And then a painful expression came upon Baze’s face, as Iro’s fist made contact with his cheek. Baze stumbled, an annoying buzz appearing in his left ear.

“Alright, I’ll give you this one Iro.” Baze said and went towards the edge of the yard. He glanced towards Chirrut and realized that he was in similar situation as well. He lay on his back, but instead of backing off, Baga kicked him again, yelling.

“And you tought you were better than me. Well you’re not!” Baga seemed so proud of himself, which Baze didn’t understand. How could you be proud of embarrassing a blind man? It wasn’t the purpose of this practice, and it didn’t make him look any better. He noticed the disapproval on other students’ faces and was glad to see their reaction was similar to his own. Baga invoked strong feelings of animosity in Baze, which was a bad thing if you are training to be a guardian. Self-discipline was one of the most important skills to have if you are to become one, and he was dangerously close to losing it. He took a deep breath.

“Don’t get involved, don’t get attached.” He mumbled to himself and left.

 

**_Chirrut_ **

Back in his room, Chirrut stretched in the position which provided him with the least pain. The darkness and quiet which surrounded him were comforting; he definitely was not in the mood for the socialization, not after that morning fiasco. He got lost in thoughts of the day. Not only he couldn’t attend the afternoon’s lessons because of his wounded leg, but the only thing he did manage in that short time was to make an enemy. It occurred to him that Baga could find his defeat satisfactory and could be willing to make a truce, but he didn’t have really high hopes.   

Despite his exceptional hearing, he almost missed the approaching footsteps, which surprisingly stopped in front of his doors. He didn’t expect a visitor, and by the heaviness of the footsteps he knew that Johai was not back. He reflexively stiffened his body.

“Can I come in?” a deep voice said. Chirrut found it familiar, he knew that it belonged to one of the apprentices, but he couldn’t quite place it. However, he noticed that the voice was free of any malice or animosity, so Chirrut simply said: “Be free to do.”

“My name is Baze” the voice said. “I’m one of the older apprentices, been here for a few years already. How are you holding up? I’ve witnessed the situation in the practice ground.” He said approaching Chirrut’s bed.

“Oh.. Fine I guess.” Chirrut mumbled feeling a little embarrassed. “Wait, I know you. You were also present when I first came to the temple.” He said, remembering that the same voice stood in his defense in his first encounter with Baga. He was interested why this man has come to see him. It was plain that he was completely different from Baga and the rest of the students, and the concern he heard in the man’s voice made him feel good. Somebody was caring enough to come and check up on him. He smiled.  

He felt the weight of Baze’s body lowering itself on the edge of the bed.

“Are you in pain? It doesn’t look fine to me…” Baze asked, and the warmth of his hand touched Chirrut’s painful knee. Chirrut winced, but despite the pain he liked the feel of that touch. He hadn’t had physical contact with much people beside his family and occasional friend who would lead him through the streets of Jedha. He especially didn’t expect to have any contact with people here, so Baze’s gesture surprised him.

“Well it does hurt a bit, but I will be fine. Nothing is broken, I would know if it was. My leg holds me.. I just need some rest to heal.” Chirrut said. He didn’t want to seem weak in front of Baze or like he was bothered by a little pain.

“I think you need some patching up. Let me send you a healer.” Baze offered, but didn’t move. Chirrut felt Baze’s eyes resting on his face, his hand still lying on Chirrut’s knee.

“No, please, it’s really not necessary.” Chirrut said. Although the two of them had just met, Chirrut felt some strange comfortability around this man and he really wanted to spend some time with him. It seemed like an opportunity to find a friend, someone who had experience with the temple life and could give him some tips on how to fit in better. He liked Baze’s calm; it helped him find his own.    


	3. Keep an eye out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Chirrut is idling, not able to leave his room, Baze is getting informed about some interesting events in the proximity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little expansion on the surrounding characters and the situations which are taking place in Jedha. (I'm afraid of myself and my slow writing.)

**_Chirrut_ **

To his great disappointment, Baze did go searching for a healer and hadn’t returned with him. He also hadn’t returned the next day nor the following, and Chirrut couldn’t wait to leave the boring, cold room and talk to him again. He had predicted it right, nothing was broken in his knee, but he was ordered to rest for a few days and to move his leg as little as possible. He was promised that Baga would get appropriate punishment, but he didn’t care much for that. He had it worse, to rest meant to be imprisoned in his room, and it was far from fun. What frustrated him more was that the only way he could catch up to the lessons other apprentices were attending was to learn from books, and the only way to do that was to have the books read to him by someone else. He hoped that Johai would read him some of his notes, and in that moment he noticed soft steps approaching the door.

“You didn’t miss much today,” Johai said while entering the room, sounding displeased. “We were just sitting there, listening to some meditative stories which were honestly _so_ boring.” He frowned and collapsed on his bed. “Imagine yourself on the top of the mountain, imagine yourself floating above the vast sea…” he said mockingly imitating master Pikko’s voice. Chirrut thought how comical that lesson would be for him. After all, mountains with great views and vastness of the sea were abstract terms for him. His meditation always focused on the senses, rather than the images. The deafening quietness of night, the icy pricking of water enveloping him.

“Johai… Why did you come here in the first place? You don’t really seem interested in the teachings” Chirrut said pensively.

“Well yes, I am, obviously… I mean, I have to be, now I am here,” Chirrut wondered if he heard a trace of regret in those words. “I believe in the Force, I thought that would be enough,” Johai continued.

“But now you’re having second thoughts?” Chirrut asked, and hastily added: “Not that I would tell anyone”.

“Uh, no, I don’t have second thoughts. It’s not like I can go back. There’s just too much of us, you see, I have 7 siblings, I would just be a burden on my mother,” he said and Chirrut choked, _7 siblings, how on Jedha did they survive when it is barely possible to do so with 2 or 3 kids. No wonder he was here, at least he would get fed and clothed,_ he thought.

 “Eight kids and I’m the oldest. Go figure… And how about you? Why did you come?” Johai asked Chirrut.

“I believe that this path was written for me in the destiny. That is what I was taught to believe ever since I was a child. I think that because of my lack of sight my senses became better attuned to the Force, but there is special connection between my whole family and the Force. We all feel it, inside of us, around other people, especially here in the temple.”

“And you never wondered if it was the right choice and not just something you made yourself believe to be true?” Johai asked.

“Of course it is the right choice!” Chirrut said, a bit too snappy. “I feel it in my blood. And jedis are a living proof of the power of the Force! It is something above us. And besides, I cannot serve this world in any constructive way, I cannot be a farmer, or a trader, or a miner, what would I be without this?”

“When you say it like that, your situation doesn’t sound so different from mine then. You just don’t have any other option,” Johai said, making Chirrut’s frustraition rise. It was not true, but Chirrut didn’t feel like going into deeper discussions _._ However, he was afraid that those facts were the ones other people will choose to believe. He took a long sigh, trying to restore his calm.

“Well it’s not like that,” he simply said.

“Whatever you make yourself believe.” Johai mumbled. Chirrut heard him starting to flip the pages of a book, signaling that the conversation is over. He leaned on the wall behind his back, its cold surface making his skin prick. The temperature suddenly started dropping, which meant that the sun was setting. It was getting close to dinnertime and Chirrut’s stomach started protesting silently. But it was not just the food he wanted, it was also the opportunity to mingle with people more. He thought of Baze, and the warmth of his hand.

“Hey Johai..” Chirrut said with hesitation. “What do you think of that man, Baze?”

“Erm… Who?” Johai asked.

“He has a deep voice, rough. He doesn’t seem to speak much, but he sounds kind. He is probably a bit larger than the other apprentices, although I cannot be sure, since I don’t really know how other look like, now that I think about it…” he trailed of “I believe he was with us on the practice the other day.”

“Well that was a really poor description. Will you tell me he has a brown hair and a brown uniform as well?” Johai said, a bit mockingly.

“It seemed more reddish to me, but I haven’t seen well.” Chirrut answered, and Johai couldn’t suppress a smile.

“I’ll keep an eye out”, Johai said returning to his book.

 

**_Baze_ **

Baze looked over the dining hall, glancing over the mass dressed in shades of brown, white and black. He told himself he didn’t care if the rookie came to the dinner or not, but couldn’t stop hoping to see him. It had been 3 days, and he feared it meant Chirrut’s leg was still bad. 

“Are you going to eat that or what?” a man sitting next to him said. Aidan was his name, and he was in a brown uniform with red details, suggesting a higher level apprentice, which was covered with the light yellow dust. The dust covered the entire temple; it was blown onto the grounds by the strong winter winds, and stuck to the unpolished stone surfaces and crevices in the walls so it was really hard to stay clean by the end of the day.

_Damn that man,_ Baze thought, thinking of Chirrut. _And myself as well.._ He didn’t understand why he worried so much. He realized he hadn’t touched his food, so he dug in to avoid future comments.

Suddenly, a short guy, who was also dressed in brown and red, with a hood pulled over his head to hide his foxlike face, came to their table.

“I’m taking bets people” he said snickering “Makoda, Lio and Frink say that the redhead is going to give up first, but my money is on the blind guy. He actually has the best odds, him and the fatty”. He looked at them expectantly, untying his pouch. “Sooo.. let’s hear it!”

“I’m out Hiogu,” Baze said seriously. He hated this game; he also hated the way they called names the new apprentices. Sooner or later, those names would stick to them behind their backs. A protective instinct hit in him whenever he thought of those who seemed weak, and he knew from experience that those ones usually proved better guardians, with more endurance and integrity than that miserable bunch which was playing games around him.  “You will get in trouble for what you do.” he added, looking at Hiogu disapprovingly.

“I won’t unless someone rats me out,” Hiogu shot a sharp glance at Baze in return. “Besides, don’t play innocent now, it’s not like you haven’t played this game before,” he said and a barely noticeable blush came to Baze’s face. It was true, but those situations were rare, and only when he was in real need for money.

“Yeah, I’ll put two creds on Fatty, he seems a bit labile” sad Aidan and pulled 2 chips from his cape, sliding them towards Hiogu. More interested heads turned towards them.

 “I’ll bet on the blind one. After all, he’s not even here,” said Jake. “Not after that kick that had him flying” he snickered, and Baze’s body tensed up.

“That is true, but I wouldn’t bet on him. Baga was just trying to repair his looks after he landed on the ground the day before, but what he did was not fair. It’s not purpose of training to injure one another, but to learn how to fight as a team. Besides, blind guy doesn’t seem like a quitter. So my money is on the redhead as well.” said Kelp and pulled one chip from his pouch. He was the only one wearing white, also dirtied by the yellow dust, and white meant he was in training to become a jedi guardian. There were few of them lucky enough to have jedi talents, but jealousy in this was forbidden. After all they were there with the same purpose. And although he was playing the betting game, Baze was grateful for his defensive comment about Chirrut.

Jake spotted one of the masters walking between the tables, getting closer to their group. Betting was over. He cleared his throat pointing his head towards the approaching master.

“So, money on the side” Hiogu said quietly, tying his money pouch, “I heard there had been some trouble further to the south. You know the mining zone where something always seems to go mysteriously missing, like a whole batch of Kyber or a mining group?” the group nodded. “Something shady is going down again,” he said.

“Something shady like what? Where did you get this information?” Kelp asked.

“Who knows if they will send a jedi group to fix the mess?” Jake said pensively “Maybe they will have a stop at the temple, spend some time tutoring us?” his eyes shone hopefully.

 “Yes, but what is the mess?” Baze cut him off, hoping that Jake will get to the point. Secretly he did hope there was some trouble down there, although it was a selfish thought. Some trouble that required Jedi intervention. He couldn’t wait to meet another Jedi outsider, not after that day 7 years ago and his meeting with Bea at the mines, an event which had changed everything. He hoped he would see her again, he knew she would be proud seeing what he had become.

“There have been news about a kyber vein being reached somewhere in the far south. A big one, I heard. The capital has been informed but soon after all the communications had been cut,” Hiogu said, excitement rising “Scouts have been sent to assess the situation from afar, but haven’t returned yet”. The whole group just sat quietly pondering about what could have happened.

“Imagine they sent us to inspect!” Kelp suddenly said “I could pick my own kyber crystal,” he said hopefully.

“Yes, if you could get out of there alive. They will probably send someone more skilled than a mere apprentice,” said Baze, but he too was secretly wishing for more action. One thing was having friendly practices on the temple grounds, and quite another to be engaged in a real battle, no holding back. If the trouble ever came to the temple, their only advantage would be their number, not their experience.

“Probably, but it’s not strange to bring a couple of us to witness a real deal. Besides, maybe it’s just a glitch in communications and nothing scary.” Kelp shrugged.

“Your gossip is impossible not to hear.” A stern voice sounded behind Jake and Hiogu, which sent Kelp into a nervous jump. One of the masters was listening to their conversation. “Hiogu, why don’t you focus your imagination to something more productive? Up, and follow me.” He said demandingly and Hiogu rised. “The situation you speak is a minor incident, and it will soon be resolved. I assure you, there is nothing going on, no grand story or epic fights. So don’t get infected with some great dreams and ideas. Have a peaceful night, boys.” He left, and Hiogu followed obediently. But Baze was not convinced. There was something uncertain in the master’s eyes, a shade of a deep worry which distressed Baze. He would have to make an inquiry of his own.


End file.
